Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
