He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
