What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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