last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
