You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
