After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
they're like a gay fantastic four
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
