At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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