So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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