I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
