Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize
