Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
