can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
