my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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