Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
