I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
