Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
