I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
