If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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