we have pet lesbian snakes
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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