it was like eating out sand paper
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
