there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
