a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do you still have your period?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
