I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
