sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
