in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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