are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
