i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
