I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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