Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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