Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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