Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
