$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
A+ Viking dick
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
