I smell stomach acid.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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