i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
