For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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