Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
