dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
