ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
