It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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