I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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