he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
