i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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