tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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