does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
