HIV tests are more positive than that guy
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
