my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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