The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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