alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
