Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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