Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
