I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
