woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
