Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
