Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
