So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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