I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
