girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
