I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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